You will be overwhelmed with feelings, all of which are normal and valid - immense sadness, deep shock, anger, frustration, fear, anxiety and any other feelings that will come and go in the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years to come.

You may cry, you may want to scream, you may want to say nothing until you are ready, you may want nothing but hugs, you might want to tell someone, you might not.

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Take a deep breath and take all the time you need.

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For us, we chose to tell our immediate family right after receiving the devastating news. We told a few close friends, including a friend who had suffered a loss. She was instrumental in helping us with our grief and processing our feelings. We were both working and we decided to let work know that we would not be going back for the time being and would let them know when we were ready to return.

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Not everyone will truly understand what you are going through and people might not know what you need. Be gentle with yourself and take it one breath and one day at a time. Remember, your angel lives on in you and you can always find ways to include him/her in your life.

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Due to the COVID pandemic, not many others knew we were expecting and it took us a few weeks before we shared losing Henry more broadly. We are glad that we did. Introducing Henry on social media and telling the world about his story helped us celebrate and remember him with others. Many sent their love but sadly, some also shared with us their loss(es) that we did not know about.

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Jamie cried uncontrollably every day for the first 6 weeks, whereas Will went on long walks and also spent time writing his new book. Everyone will grieve differently and it is important to give them space to do so. For couples, it is especially important to be there and support each other. For us, we hugged each other every day and reminded ourselves that we are stronger together.

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Today, we smile when we think of Henry and he continues to inspire us to be brave and dream big. We created this initiative because we want Henry's life and story to help others who are unfortunately experiencing loss.

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More resources:

• Stillbirth Foundation

Consider if you'd like to bring:

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1. Things to make memories with your baby that you can take home after:

   • toys (e.g. teddy bears)

   • clothes (if your baby is very premature, it will be impossible to buy anything at the stores that would fit but ask your hospital if they have clothes for very small babies)

   • swaddle/blanket to wrap your baby in

2. Camera - see if you can get someone that can help you make memories - videos, photos. If no one is available, bring a selfie stand. In Australia, you can reach out to Heartfelt - a charity that give the gift of photographic memories for families who have experienced stillbirth or have children with life threatening illness.

3. Ask if the hospital can arrange for foot and/or hand prints. Or purchase your own from the stores (you could consider ink prints or moulds)

4. Something nice to wear for photos after birth as you and your partner hold your precious baby.

5. If you decide to name your baby, you could get a "make your own sign or letterboard" and write a message using it and take pics with your baby in it.

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Just some ideas but we know none will take the pain away. We hope it will help you build some memories with your precious baby.

There are many ways to remember and celebrate your angels and continue building memories with them:

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1. Memorial corner at your home

   • photos of your angel (e.g. could be a photo of your angel or hand/footprints)

   • name plaque

   • embroidery with their names on it

   • toys (e.g. teddy bears)

   • clothes

   • swaddle/blanket that you wrapped your baby in

2. Memorial garden - we dedicated a section in our garden for Henry and we ordered a memorial plaque with his name on it

3. Social media - Some parents find having a blog or social media account to keep their angel's memory alive helpful. Many also choose to post on loss groups on special dates or simply when they feel like sharing their feelings. Although it's sad that we are all part of a club we never signed up for, our angels connected us and now we have each other to lean on and find comfort in.

4. Item/object that represents your angel - we were fortunate to receive a Bears of Hope bear and named him "Henry bear". We often hug Henry bear when we miss and think of our Henry. A friend also sent us a bear with Henry's name on it and just like Henry bear, he brings us so much comfort when we give him a cuddle.

5. Doing something on special dates - some parents choose to do something on special dates (e.g. due dates, angelversaries, birthdays, etc.)

6. Doing something for others - fundraising in the name of your angel, knitting angel clothes and donating it to hospitals, creating craft and sending it to other parents, on special holidays (e.g. Xmas - sending Christmas cards to other angels), donating a bear via Bears of Hope

7. For those based in Australia, there's a garden in Brisbane (by Red Nose/SANDS) that is dedicated to angel babies where you can get a plaque for your angel added to the wonderful mural walls.

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More ideas here:

• Bears of Hope

Australian support / resources:

• Bears of Hope - events, counsellors and Facebook groups 

• RED NOSE / SANDS - 24/7 Bereavement Support Line: 1300 308 307

  • Hospital to Home Program

  • Memorial garden in QLD for angel babies​

• Pink Elephant Support Network

• Gidget Foundation - speak to your GP about getting referral for a Medicare funded psychologist

• Stillbirth Foundation Australia

• For those that are Sydney based, you can contact Deb de Wilde and Belinda Power from the Mater hospital who run support groups for parents who suffered a loss

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International support / resources:

• Tommy's

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Note that we are not affiliated in any way with any of the above

When your friend or loved one has shared the unfortunate news, here are some ideas on how you can support them ​

• Food is always welcome, especially home-cooked meals

• Flowers to brighten up their day

• Plants to add to their garden, dedicated to their angel baby

• Mementos that could add to their angel's memories (e.g. photo frame with quotes on it, necklace engraved with their angel's name, teddy bear embroidered with their angel's name or quote, handmade items)

• Self-care items (e.g. essential oils for a bath / diffuser, tea set, something sweet like chocolates, colouring books, etc.) 

• Offer hugs and listen when they want to chat. If the parents have named their angel, don't be afraid to say their name. Many parents never want their angels forgotten

• Don't belittle your involvement in memorialising their angel over time, as parents will never forget or want to ever forget about their angel.

  • We'd say even at 30 or 50 years from now, we would still appreciate any Xmas cards mentioning Henry and to receive any little items / mementos for him

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More resources:

• Stillbirth Foundation for friends and family